The dilemma !

Choices we make, some days I wonder!
Was it the right one, do I dare ponder?
Decisions! decisions! There is  always a worry,
Whether it is work or life in a flurry. 

Choices we make, too many to remember.
A sign of trouble, makes  you surrender.
A regret in the past, left  without a thought.
blows back into the mind on a high knot. 

Choices we make, will always be ours,
the sweet mistakes of the reminiscent past.
Unfolding future that holds the key to our life,
But,Present is the time to let happiness run rife.

Happy Women's day !

  Today is women's day, celebrated internationally. There are many articles written on women on this day,  applauding the strong bold independent women. Sharing the suffering of the women whose plight is worse than death. We wish each other women's day, mostly it was my female friends who wished me. Some weren't even aware of such a day. Some don't understand the significance of the day. Its not just celebrating womanhood or recognizing the achievements of a few. It's about understanding that we still have a long way to go. Yes, we can not only vote but, stand for elections. But we still are fighting for many rights. Equality in pay, maternity leaves, giving women the right to choose, be it to have an abortion or quit work after delivery.  In many countries women are not allowed to vote or in some drive, women are still not safe, from birth till death. Women continue to be overlooked for education or promotion. We continue to have cases of female infanticide.

   Women, many a time lack respect, either at home or at work place. I remember working as a new graduate and being the only female, struggling to be taken seriously, to be acknowledged. It is 21 st century but prejudices don't change. It is still a male dominated society. You are judged by your clothes or if you drink socially. You are judged because choose to be single or to be a married woman with no kids. Even though women constitute 49.6% of the world's population, we are still behind. Women empowerment begins at home. How many of men empower the wives and daughters? How many men still make decisions on the wife's behalf , instead of being a guide and letting them decide for themselves and maybe even supporting them unconditionally? How many men help their wives at home with chores? How many men let their wives have a say in their own financial planning? Marriage is a 50/50 partnership, or is it ? How many women will spend their lives being the best mother, wife and daughter-in-law or daughter, sister and, forget to live for themselves? Even if its for a few moments.. Sometimes, women are women's worst enemy and hinder the progress of their own gender with their orthodox prejudiced thoughts.

  Women empowerment doesn't start with just the poor, meek and the underprivileged, it starts in a regular household. It starts where home makers and working mothers lack the support from their own family. Where their dreams and aspirations are often buried under the burden of raising the family or being a superhero. Where they lose themselves amidst the society's expectation and, the dictates of how they should live, dress or act. To an outsider looking in, a woman may seem perfectly satisfied with her work and family, only she knows the abyss she falls into and climbs out of , everyday. Hoping that maybe someday someone will hold her hand and, keep her from falling into the darkness. Spends her life waiting, until she no longer has to...  ??

Ganesh Chaturti - Bombay dairies !

 This evening leaving work on my way home, I called India, to wish everyone there. It is Ganesh Chaturti- Birth of Lord Ganesh, Vignaharta ( One who takes your troubles away). Mom was telling me all about her preparations for the day. As I ended the call walking towards my apartment, I was reminiscing old memories. I vividly remember my childhood days in Bombay/Mumbai ( still think of it as Bombay) . In Maharshtra state this festival is celebrated with a lot of fanfare. Buildings usually have a common idol. My apartment complex also had one such common idol, when I was growing up. The boys in the apartment usually would go door to door collecting money. No one refused to pay. Whatever they could afford to give. The day before you could see them all on the common ground setting a "pandal" which is a temporary tent like structure with decorations and, a "mantap" a place for the Lord Ganesha's idol . All religions helped. I remember some muslim and christian boys helping with decoration and stuff. Religion was not a barrier, people came together to take part in the festivities. The morning of the first day there would be a small group of boys getting ready to bring the idol. Idols were beautiful, made by local sculptors from clay. The idol was to be set up in the tent, amidst all the offerings and decorations. First Aarti of the day or the worshiping would be around noon. I would attend that prior to the one at my place. Mom would make prasaad or offering made with beaten rice , coconut and jaggery and 5 different variety of fruits. Some of my neighbors, I remember, would keep sugar cane as decorations. Modak, of course, Lord Ganesh's  favorite, is a triangular shaped dessert that can be made in different ways. Lord Ganesha is a foodie and we grew up hearing stories of how much food he liked to eat as a child.


   Festivals always are exciting. One starts the day with ablutions and getting dressed in good and maybe new clothes. Lunch would be served on banana leaf with special vegetarian delicacy that was prepared at home. On festivals vegetarian food was always on the menu. Banana leaf somehow enhanced the taste of the food. With a full stomach it was time for siesta, later at sundown evening prayers would be offered. Everyone would gather around the tent and diyas or lamps were lit and, prayers were offered, with bells chiming. Everyone sung even though lyrics weren't exactly a strong suit of most and murphy's law was people closest to the mike were usually off key, but there was certain energy in the prayer songs that compensated for all of it. There would be all kinds of activities and competitions that brought people together. I would go with either family or friends to see 9 such idols that evening. Everything religious is always in odd numbers 3,5,7, 9,11. It is considered auspicious. Each idol had different forms was different with decorations (Ganesha or Ganapati is the most versatile of all  Gods, depicted in different ways). Each group would have its own theme and size of the idol usually depended on the budget. Some would also bring idol home for a day and a half to 3 days. I would also go to their place on invitation. So, a very busy day of socializing for people, devout or not. It went on for 3-5 days and then visarjan , which means submerging of the idol in a water body, bidding farewell with a hope that next year would be just as good. Chanting " Ganapati Bappa morya, pudcha varshi lavkar ya" ( Ganapati , next year come soon. Roughly translated ). Larger idols were kept on till 11 days for worshiping.

 It was so much more than just celebrating the festival, it was an occasion to participate as a community. When there was no social media for people to complain about every little thing and freedom of speech and expression widely abused. Not everything was about the noise and being politically correct. It was about unity in diversity, about setting all your differences aside to come together to celebrate. I am sure that was the goal when sarvajanik or public celebration of Ganesh chaturti was organized by Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj which lost its public status during British rule and was revived by freedom fighter Lokmanya Tilak. Apparently it dates back to Dynasties, ruling from 271 BC to 1190 AD . We have such rich heritage and culture and dating back centuries. I am proud to be a part of such ancient and rich culture. l hope everyone is having fun with all the festivities. HAPPY GANESH CHATURTI  to all !

P.S.: sketch was drawn few months ago :)

Apple of my eye !

  July 2011.. the successor of my title was born, fondly called "babu" (baby of the family), after a long wait and a not-so-smooth pregnancy. Rhea - aptly named - is like a princess. My first sight of her was a scrawny, tiny figure cocooned in her wrap. Few hours old, yawning and trying to break free of the constraints. It was symbolic, somehow! Those days bring back memories of her smiles and some not-so-fun memories of her wailing in the night. To this day she continues to amaze me..I left the country when she was a year and a half, since then I followed her journey through her pictures, which she once hated as a baby and now voluntarily poses for, the videos that are recorded by the paparazzi without her consent or the rare phone conversations we have when she has the inclination to spare time for her Maasi, in between her cartoons.
  The first year that I got to spend time with her made me notice a few things - she was a stubborn, strong-willed individual. Reminds me of someone I know all too well! I, therefore, understand the challenges she will face as a woman, firsthand. Although, she may fare better than me, she definitely knows how to twist people around her little finger. An art I shall never master. She turned five a few months ago but, makes me believe she is going on twelve. She is way ahead of me in many things, she loves to take a dip in the pool and plays the keyboard. Things I have written in my bucket list, but haven't been able to start yet. Couple of other things I don't care to mention. Lol! Some of the similarities we share are uncanny, like our love for Chinese and chicken and a passion for arts. Some are poles apart. SHE DOESN'T LIKE CHOCOLATES! I know, right ? Takes after her mother in that respect for obvious reasons. This time, when I flew to India, I got her a bag of chocolates (which I ended up eating more than her) She would only eat snowflake chocolates, since that was in tune with her  "Frozen" theme. Even that she wouldn't mind sharing, that says it all. If she loves something, you can't even eye it, let alone eat it! 
    She has always been smart and constantly astounds me with her ever growing vocabulary and diction. One can't even fault her grammar - linguist in the making! There are so many facets to her personality and her interests. Her ear for music was apparent when she was a baby and would stop crying when I crooned "My Bonney lies over the ocean" or "Raindrop on roses." That's not an underhand compliment to myself. I can do better than that. :) My very first gift to her from US was the keyboard when she was three. I am happy that she loves playing it. She loves stories, just like I do and, has a good memory and recall for them. She makes her mom, naani (my mom) even my dad tell her stories (that itself is a miracle, considering never has our dad told us one growing up!) She enjoys books just as much. One of my best memories is getting her hooked to Dr.Seuss. I bought the collection, not knowing if she would like it. Then one day we were playing and out of the blue she said" I don't like green eggs and ham". My sister had this nonplussed look on her face. I wanted to laugh and laugh I did, that is when I knew she loved the book.
  She loves dressing up, her fashion sense is definitely very good, maybe even better than her parent. She unabashedly says so herself. Oh well! we all have different sense of aesthetics and tastes. Although, I love seeing her in all her gowns and beautiful dresses (my dad loves shopping for her), I prefer to contribute to her knowledge base. Be it art, literature, music or even general knowledge. The first doll I got for her was from the movie FROZEN, leading to it being her all-time favorite movie and thus sharing my love for animations and fairy tales. Her first travel abroad to Thailand was definitely a memorable one. We had a lot of fun. She learnt the currency of the country and FYI she also knows the currency of the US and that is more than I knew at her age. She is like a sponge who soaks up everything around her, even when we think she is not paying attention. She has too many interests making it hard to focus on one. But I know one thing for sure. She will grow up to be a beautiful person inside out, successful at whatever she chooses to do in life. I only pray that she remains a sensitive, considerate and kind soul that she is, no matter what trials and tribulations life throws her way and the whole world will definitely be her oyster.
Love you always - Maasi! .

Don't expect her to paraphrase her life for you;

she was born to be a story.

And if you can't understand that,

then perhaps she's beyond your reading level.

-Jonny Ox 

A Bohemian Soul

The gypsy in me awakens,

Pointing places that call to me.

Could it be a dream or a reality,

can one really exist without the other? 

An adventurous soul I was once called. 

Is it a grand expedition I aspire,
Or a rendevous with life I desire?

Could it be the busy streets of the city, 

Or the mountains shrouded in fog?

Blue water with white beaches,

or forest full of green moss and log. 

It could be the twinkling stars of night,

Or sparkling of the city lights.

Emotions I feel at every sight,

is too deep and at times too bright.

Travel is a religion I follow, 

to some it may seem a frivolous waste.

Only People of faith shall yen for the journey of the soul.  

To discover myself amidst the chaos,

and learn the art of living. 

It nourishes my soul and enlightens a humble mind.

Like the Monk moving from place to place, 

the odyssey never ends.

Neither does the knowledge I seek,

It is not a luxury, it is a need. 

Journey Home..

Perilous journey I did take..
Narrow street and windy road,
Missed a turn and stumbled. 
I stopped took a deep breath. 
Lost my way ? Perhaps..
Darkness descends, eerie silence.
All I hear is my heart and, 
Foot steps clicking on the cobbled path.
I need to get home, it's too late. 
I can't find my way!
Just when I'm ready to give up,
With frustrated tears spilling down. 
I turn the map around and retrace my steps.
I find the familiar turn I missed,
whence looking too far ahead. 
I smile and laugh..I'm safe, I know. 
On the way home, I think of the
Perilous journey I did take.

Mom- Your most precious gift!

     Amidst the hustle bustle of mother's day, people planning brunch or dinner for moms, posting pictures on Facebook, made me register that I am several thousand miles away from mine. Although, I speak to my mom almost every other day. It is not the same, its over a year and a half since I have been home. My mom has been my constant support through this ever changing times. My champion when I need one or my shoulder to cry on ( she will cry with me:) ). She is the one I need the most and, she is also the one I take most for granted.  If I say I will return to India she would say "good, come home." If I change my mind and say I probably won't now, she would support that as well. Sometimes that would only prove to amplify my confusion and irritate me, that she is not trying to talk me out of something. But then I realize she is only giving me her full support, even though she doesn't like the idea. Who in this world can selflessly do that besides A MOTHER. Stands by you through everything, even though her opinions may differ from yours. But she keeps aside the differences to support you. Someone who has unflinching faith in your ability to be the best you could be.   

         Mothers are a rare species, to them you always come first. They have learnt to sacrifice everything to make you what you are today. Sacrifices begin with pregnancy giving up food/ coffee and moving on to comfort and sleep, as the child grows up. Stay at home mothers have sacrificed their dreams and careers to be a full time mom, to cater to her family. She chose to make her family a priority.  Some moms continue to work and their struggles are different. There is always guilt of not being able to spend time with kids, like they wanted to. Not being able to attend the school functions and seeing their precious baby grow up. They sacrifice their dreams to take care of their own kids, only to give their children a better life. I also see single mothers, juggling the roles of  a mother, breadwinner and a father, all rolled into one. Wearing several hats everyday, always trying to make their son's or daughter's life perfect. No mothers have it easy, whether they are stay at home moms or working mothers. They are always being judged and compared. As you grow, you always have complaints about mothers. You always compare your mom to other moms. Working mother's kids wish their mom was home more. Stay at home mom's kids wished their mother was working mother. As you become adults and have kids you realize what motherhood means and learn to appreciate the strength with which they took care of you. She made it seem so easy. My mom makes the best .......(you can fill in the blank). Mother and food usually go together. No one makes some dish as good as your mother. I enjoy cooking and learnt it at an early age watching my mom. Although I am a decent cook, I still can't get the same taste. I guess the secret ingredient is probably the mother's love. They cook so passionately for their kids, no matter how sick or tired they are. That is a mother for you, perfect is her own way. 

   Blessed to have a mother who is my best friend, my critique, my psychologist, my sounding board, my recipe book, my calendar and reminder, my strength and my weakness, my cheerleader, my inspiration and the list could go on... If I can ever be half as good as my mother, my future kids would be lucky.

For every mother out there, Happy Mother's Day !
For everyone else, don't wait till mother's day to appreciate your Mom. Let Everyday be one.