Sunday 17 April 2016

Such is life.

  Adi was late for work again. Getting up for work these days seemed to be an everyday ordeal . He had to take the 8:35 Churchgate fast train,  instead of the 7:59 one that he usually took. This seemed to be happening far too often then he could count . Life in Bombay ( or Mumbai as outsider would call it , although it is still Bombay for Adi ) is a fast one , where dreams come true. It always made him smirk when he heard that line. May be because he lived in this awesome city all his life , but his dreams were still dreams , with no close to anywhere near coming true.

  He got dressed and packed his lunch in the backpack. Lately, he tried not to bring his work laptop home , unless it was absolutely necessary . It  was too much hassle with the crowded trains. So much had changed in last three decades. Trains were more packed then they could be , if , it was in fact physically possible. Staying late at work made much more sense , at least he could come home in peace and enjoy the after rush hour commute home. Adi managed to get the later train . Standing by the door and watching  city pass by, somehow made him forget all worries that plagued him or the never ending stress of deadlines , made the journey to the office much more bearable . He pitied people who actually drove to the office during rush hour , trying to beat the traffic.
 Today waking up felt weird , unexplainable , maybe it was the dream he had . He was back in college . Mithibai college , the name always made him smile , although it was tacky name , but when said in a classy town accent , undeniably made it sound glamorous. One could always throw in the name  into a conversation to impress the opposite gender. Good old days , when bunking class or impressing girls were probably the best part of college life. More students were to be found in the college canteen or in pool parlors during college hours than the classrooms . Except the nerdy ones , you could always count on them to sign your name for attendance . Until one lecturer decides to count the number of signatures and tally with the head count. That definitely did not stop anyone from  trying it again. Until the day your name showed up on "the black list" for low attendance and then you were forced to attend so you could take your exams . Practical session were the only ones that had big turn out and of course  the dreaded  examinations. You lived in the moment without worrying about the world. Chatting with friends about inconsequential things and dreams , plans to make it big . Funny how life works , let alone change the world, he barely had control on his own course of life.

  After graduation Adi took his first job in an NGO with a degree , bursting with high aspirations and ideas that never took flight. Neither did the peanuts that passed off as his pay. Eventually the inflation and life style forced Adi to join an MNC . The change was big , getting into a corporate world , he left like a lamb ready to be slaughtered . He missed his first job , though it paid nothing , he was content , work satisfaction was of the essence , he team was an enthusiastic one . they would often go out for lunch or  catch up after work. Now he barely saw his co-workers, unless it was at a corporate event. He felt like he was stuck , life did not make sense anymore , there was so much he wanted to do . But life was passing him by . He was 32 now , as his mom loved to remind him.  " Most of his friends were married and settled and having babies and he was drifting through life. " Tough , he liked his single status. His mom kept pushing photographs of suitable prospects in his face at the first opportunity with basic details of age , height , and education and job details. Interestingly they sometimes wouldn't even say the name. How on earth can you pick a girl with enough information for her ID card? He knew many of his friends had had arranged marriages and by the looks of it , worked for them.  Movie scene played in his head , a girl wearing sari walking towards him with a cup of tea , its probably more likely she might be wearing jeans holding a glass of wine instead , in this day and age. Imagining his mom's shocked expression made him laugh. The man standing next to him , gave him a weird look . Adi smiled back at him . The thought of having a partner definitely was appealing but , he wanted to chose his own when he was ready to settle down. Time enough for it. Right now he was contemplating either changing jobs with a different profile or applying to the management schools abroad, for masters . Maybe that will give him goal to work towards. Indecision was the worst , he did not know what he wanted !Suddenly life had lost its purpose.

  Maybe he needed a vacation , yes ! that was it ! that would solve his problems , maybe he was just getting burnt out . He had been saving for a trip , money wasn't the issue . He started thinking of places he could go to , mentally sorting them . Adi felt like being a cabin in the woods with mountains in the backdrop and sound of a gushing river flowing near , Hell even a steady stream will do . Someplace so quiet that he could here the birds call , and watch the stars in the night sky . He could definitely put to use his binoculars , Nikon D160 he gifted himself last birthday , which was still unpacked . All he needed was to do now was research  some more on Kashmir,  tickets and lodging. It was still spring , best time to go and tour the green valleys between the snow-clad peaks .  Just then the recorded voice brought him back to reality , his station had arrived . He got off the train and walked through " the town " ,as the place was lovingly called , with spring in each step . Now the love for the Victorian architecture that surrounded him came back. How he enjoyed looking at the building which were over a century old ! They set the place apart from rest of Bombay. Most of the offices were re-modeled to a more contemporary style from within, keeping the outer structure intact,  enhancing the rustic charm.

   Adi reached the office , smiled at the doorman and ran up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. Turning his laptop on and he logged in to check his emails . He made quick note on a post it to check on Kashmir during lunch . Meeting was due in 10 minutes . Adi opened the email from his boss marked urgent. He kept staring at the monitor , it said that the boss had to leave for US for an upcoming project groundwork and would be leaving Adi to handle the details before the current project would go live . He would be gone for 6 months , which now meant more late nights and weekends at work . Adi, took a deep breath and walked to the conference room with laptop in his hand , heavy heart and feet, forgetting all about the note.  It gently flutters and falls to the ground , shoes stepping on it . Until finally, a janitor picks it up and throws it in the trash.

Monday 11 April 2016

Empty hands

                        
My eyes scan every inch of the shore. 
My trembling hands groping the sand , trying hard to find it. The frantic search before the daylight turns into night sky.
I almost want to give up, but I am not a quitter . 
Finally,  my hand feels something in the mound of sand. I hungrily grab it . It's a pretty silver locket , a filigree . I fall in love with it on sight, momentarily  forgetting what I was looking for . Staring at the locket with a smile , the need to take it is very strong .  I feel guilty , it  doesn't belong to me . Setting it aside, I continue my half hearted search.
Dusk leaves me as the darkness falls . The wave splashes over me and I run away. I , then remember the locket and turn in the direction . I can see it glimmer in the moonlight, taunting me . The waves washing it away, into the ocean .
Tears roll down my cheeks , I don't know what I am crying for or why I curse the fate -'cos I lost something that was never mine?
 A serendipity that left me with a bitter sweet memory of finding something I wasn't looking for and losing it before I had a chance . 
Thus , ending my search .