Dreams..

  She walked along the beach at sunset, just like she always did. There was something very peaceful about watching a sunset at the beach, while listening to the constant sounds of waves hitting the shore. She experienced so many myriad emotions through her, at this point. If she chose to close her eyes and give each emotion a colour , it would be like swirls of different colour mixing together, where you could not separate one from the other. Feeling of  loneliness and longing. Contentment, hope and joy all at the same time. To her, this was the most favored part of the day. When the sky seemed to reflect what was in her heart, like a painting by an artist. There is something about beaches in the evening that make you think of a couple walking hand in hand, into the sunset, their dark silhouettes against the orange background.

  She dint know why she came here every evening, in spite of her she busy schedule. She just felt the pull as if the waves were calling out to her, soothing her fears, calming her anxieties.There was nothing she lacked , she had a good job, she had sufficient money to get by, no responsibilities or debts. And best of all , she had her dreams.  Although they were tightly enclosed in a fist that she din't dare open. Perhaps, someday she would... Some dreams were practical just like her. Others deep inside , she guarded well , knowing they were beyond her reach. Even she was entitled to some silly dreams. If there was nothing to look forward to , there would no point in getting up from bed every morning. Her dreams were her own , something no one could take away from her. Some dreams were never meant to be shared, no one could criticize your dream or tell you it was a foolish one.
  One day, she would have a cute little house with a beach at the back , where she could come and gaze into the horizon, forget  everything and just revel in the moment, wishing she could paint well enough to capture all that beauty on canvas.She crouched by the sand and did what she always did , wrote her name and watched the waves take it. She would pretend water would take her name into the ocean. The seagulls flew above, with their cheerful sounds, which for some reason always made her smile.

   She turned back to see someone watching her. Their eyes locked. She felt something strange, like she knew him from somewhere. She never felt that instant tug before . She started to lift her hand to wave, but he just nodded and turned away. She came again the next evening, to the same place. After few mins, she spotted him. Their eyes met, he nodded and left. Third day, she was a little late. When she came to the beach, he was already there. She smiled, he smiled back at her, but did not make any move towards her. He turned his eyes back to the beach and walked away. A week passed in this way. She had been thinking about him the whole week, imaging in her head what she would say, how he would respond, what his voice would sound like. She wondered what he did , trying to guess a name that would suit him. Finally, she decided she had enough, waiting for him to make the first move. Today, she promised herself , she would find about him. If he din't make the first move, SHE WOULD.

 She dressed with care, a simple white sundress with yellow flowers, dainty yellow sandals, let her hair down. She ended up going to the beach earlier than usual in her excitement. This time her mind was not on the sunset, it was anything but calm. Her heart was beating in anticipation, her restless fingers kept playing with her keys. She was too busy looking at the path that led to the beach, she missed the sunset, dint notice the sky that had taken on a different hue. She could not hear the water over the noisy wind. After an hour of waiting, she  realised that he would not come today. She felt as if something crushed inside her. A fleeting twinge , when she realized this was another of her silly dream. To him she was probably just another girl on the beach. She should probably plead temporary insanity, but she felt something she never experienced before. Just then a seagull swooped down, making her smile, she walked towards her car with a heavy heart and slow steps. The beach would never be the same again. Maybe  it was just as well , she needed to get back to her "LIFE"  rather than dream about a stranger.
  Standing  afar in the shadows from the trees, hunched against the wind, was a lone silhouette watching her walk away.

CoNtRaDiCtIoNs..

Some people know what they were meant to do… Meant to be. I sometimes envied people who knew what they wanted, got it and were happy with it. Such people are lucky because they are aware of their capabilities and limitations and fixed a goal which is reachable. They don’t keep sky as their limit. At the same time I wonder if that’s a good thing… there is nothing to new experience. The change, the choice, the failure, all of which makes the ultimate find and success sweeter. No guts no glory! No adventure no fun!

People who knew what they wanted to study as opposed to people who had their feet in two boats, finally drown only to get picked up by the third. The surprise at survival, the curiosity of the new unknown, enjoying exploring the unseen.
People, who knew where they wanted to work, got a job in that firm. On the other side, landing up an unexpected job, you never even knew of in the first place , let alone dreamed of it. Learning the ropes of the place, experiencing it firsthand without prior knowledge and finding answers on your own. An experience which was good as it was bad.

People who are happy in the place they have always been in, unlike some who need to find the place which fits them, which makes them feel like home. Wandering gypsies, who keep moving in search of the place of their dream? With the hope that they will find it eventually till then making most of the journey ahead and make a home where the present resides.

People who always knew whom they will get married to, in contrast to someone who goes through the entire rigmarole of finding the right match though blind dates, set ups, arranged meetings, matrimony sites, always secretly dreaming about bumping into  that perfect someone.  Trying to imagine the kind of partner, asking every time they meet a new person if this is “THE ONE”?

People who always knew what they wanted rather than those who go through their whole lives in search of their calling, wondering if they will ever find it, but trying nevertheless.Learning different deeds, soaking up the knowledge from the ocean. Just in case one of these might lead to the answer.

I wonder which of these two are lucky? Someone who sees what he/she wants has always been there or someone who stumbles onto the truth when he/she is least expecting it!       

Which is better the unwavering certainty or the unexpected surprise?
Probably the grass is greener on the other side.
there maybe times when i wish i could know whats meant to be, but for now i am enjoying the search, the voyage of discovery. Over a decade back i would not have expected to be what i am now , where i am now. Neither can I predict over the next decade what changes await me, where my search would take me and where it would eventually end! 

A Thrilling Thirty!

That one thing that every woman is afraid of.... her 30th Birthday.. 
I never understood what the fuss was all about.. until i approached it... then i couldn't run away from it fast enough..
It reminds me of those episodes of FRIENDS where they reminisce about their 30th B'day. It becomes more like a day for mourning.. especially if you are single and  female.. i have seen people get this weird look in their eyes when i say 29 and single.. don't think i wanna know what it would be when i say 30.. ;) No matter what century you are in, you are  unfortunately never taken seriously until you are married.. It is like you haven't achieved anything until you are married. People have this misconception that your life is all fun and games just 'coz you aren't married!,
If they aren't shocked by my single status , they keep telling me how lucky i am to have the freedom to enjoy my "happening life" . Most forget that there are two sides to a coin.
Normally i would wait for my birthday, this started from childhood and continued well into adulthood. 
When you have no solution for a problem its best to ignore it. that's exactly what i decided to do this year.. Pretend the day dint exist , then i can be 29 for a little while longer.
I recently realised i could not see fine print 6 feet away.. I was speechless. I mean of course i fancied having a pair of glasses that made me look chic. but Now? No.. this wasn't a good time.. it wasn't how i imagined the beginning of the year to be like. So i refused to buy a pair of glasses before my birthday.
I am not very sure what i intended to prove with that.. but be as it may, eye test was postponed for after my birthday.. but hey wasn't i just gonna pretend the day dint exist? so now the dilemma would be when to get the test done! 
 Anyway, That was probably least of my problems at the moment.
SO.. what exactly was my problem again? OH Yeah! turning 30.. right!
i knew i would probably spend the day secretly regretting, shedding few tears for all the wasted years, opportunities lost, might as well get it over with.
It struck 12.. my mom, who has never waited up till now, actually bought me a pastry to cut. Now there was a surprise i hadn't anticipated! there goes my plans to sleep through it. But i was ecstatic! 
Morning begins with phone calls and sms which goes on for quite sometime. its fun to catch up with Friends. By noon i get another surprise delivery from my sis n bro in -law, a chocolate cake, bouquet of pink roses and a teddy.. turning 30 isn't so bad after all. 
Evening i had to visit the temples to offer my thanks and count all my blessings.
The day ended with a gift and dinner from mom and dad. By the time it was night i din't even realise how fast the day had passed, and how unexpectedly nice it was! I dint have time to mourn or feel sad. I was too busy enjoying the day to the fullest. In fact i dint feel 30 at all.. I still felt like i always do..  "ageless"
I guess its true when they say you are as young as you feel at heart, Age is nothing but mere numbers. It doesn't define what i am or who i am. It doesn't lessen all that i have achieved, or stop me from achieving all that i have to. I have Miles to go before i sleep... :)

I want to thank all those who made my day special by thinking of me..makes turning 30 just worth it.
That is one thing i would not exchange for all the riches in the world.. my family and friends.. Love you all..