Understanding Life as it is..

There are so many philosophies to life . I can probably fill a book with it.

But how much can we truly say anything for sure , where life is conserned? 

Life I believe is full of episodes expected and unexpected ones, an unpredictable story. It’s a book you are unwittingly hooked onto and cannot leave until you reach the end. Each page has its dialogues and sometimes its like one those badly written screenplays , where you don’t think anything has gone right. Although, theater is a better metaphor, where you can't undo and redo it.

With each chapter there are turn of events. Every character plays his or her role, short or long, in your story, but they have a whole book dedicated to themselves. Its like in chronicles of Narnia Aslan says “everyone has a story , of which none is your business.. you only know how much you need to know". Well , I digress. We were talking about life not C.W Lewis's work.

I wonder how everyone would describe their life in one word? What word would I use? I do not know . The only thing I can think of is - contradiction. When I have given up the hope.. I see a ray of light. Just when I am confident , I lose something I  am so close to achieving. Disappointments when expectations are high and happiness after you hit rock bottom.

I wonder how billionaires would say their life is, we seem to think they have everything just because they have money, but is money everything???

What would I do If I had immense wealth, no goals, just living life everyday, like one big party? How would it be, With  nothing to look forward to or achieve ? Would I live from one shopping to another? filling up my wardrobe with clothes I may never wear again! Paraphernalia’s I would never need?

Everyone runs around from one job to another seeking promotion thereby getting more respect and pay. Is it just the pay or the competition that keeps one going? Competition with oneself more than  the others. To excel in work and life, to outdo yourself every time.

Imagine an ideal world where everyone's destiny was similar , no poverty and no billionaires. same kind of clothes. You could all have one house, every house was of same kind, depending on the size of the family . There would never be inflation, everything would cost the same when u die like the day you were born, your salary was the same till u were alive, very little variety in the name of food. Everyone gets the same ration depending on the number of people living in the house every month.  You couldn't pick or change your profession . You could not travel much because of lack of connectivity between places as there was no need to, each being self sufficient in everything.What would you do then? what would you look forward to?

All this competition and greed feeds on our need to be better than the others, to be envy of neighbours.  Do you recollect the ONIDA’s Ad –“neighbours envy owners pride”, the devil saying it? Sure describes one's  personal anthem these days. Technology has increased luxury and comfort many folds in the past years ( Although definitions of luxury and comfort may not necessarily mean the same in everyone's life) travelling has also been an important factor in bringing changes.

There was , once upon a time a world you never knew of other than yours, to compare. You’d never need a Microwave or An LCD TV because you wouldn't know what it was and what to do with it , if you had one. You never miss what you never had. But today it is a necessity rather than a luxury. It tops the chart of the must haves. Little do you know , in few years, something new will come to the market . Making yours look cheap and outdated. And another list of must haves starts taking shape on your mind , and your list begins to grow longer  as your purse grows smaller.

Will this competition ever end ? I Think Not..It gives way to stronger ones , Manifests in different ways. Now that you have reached the end of your expectation( due to age rather than satisfaction), its time to transfer your expectations to your children, making them a progeny of sorts who will succeed where you never did or could... 

QUOTE: A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable , but more useful than a life spent doing nothing,

The Inquisitive Indian

Fear..of the unknown is always there, lurking beneath the facade of courage.. we all fear "The Future". Be it the immediate future or the one far ahead. We fear it because, we cannot know it, therefore cannot control it.

As we are turning modern , our fears are becoming more prevalent. More and more are turning religious, some looking for answers or peace in their lives, some perhaps seeking refuge. People have started getting tarot readings, numerology is gaining importance, astrology , palmistry have become the norms of the society. 
I see more people in the places of worship than i used to before.
I would say its a good sign that people have started believing in their creator. But the pessimistic side of me feels that people are trying to hang on to their belief because they are losing faith in themselves. 

Contrary to the impression , I am not an atheist or even agnostic in my beliefs. I am firm believer in the supreme being. I believe that there are things beyond my understanding. Sometimes, no matter how I long to achieve something, or get impatient waiting for something to happen in my life. I realise it will not happen, until the time is right. Having said that, I love reading my astrological predictions for the day, month or year. In my defense, patience is not one of my virtues, neither is meek acceptance of  my future. Lets call it thirst for... knowledge.

My trips to astrologer were becoming more frequent to quench my thirst. Of course, provided my astrologer says what I want to hear. Or I feel I just wasted the moolah on a novice. Invariably I am advised to offer some prayer to the deity. Sometimes, they would come up with suggestions of fasting, which was certainly not something I could abide by. Whenever I am told to fast, I start feeling faint like I fasted for days  even before the day has begun. In spite of stuffing myself the day before in anticipation of the fast. I dream of all those dishes that are forbidden to eat. I start counting minutes until I can break the fast, which of course seems like eons. That's when I realized fasting is not my cup of tea..Oops!I think tea was forbidden too ! Yikes !

During one of the astrology readings I was recommended to wear a ring. I thought to myself "It's about time !", I had always secretly wished they would tell me to wear some stone 
to ward of the negative energies (did I mention i love jewelry? ). With an air of mild curiosity I inquired the details of the ring. I hoped for a nice gold one embedded with stone, preferably diamond, a quick design of the ring flashed in my mind . Imagine the shock and misery felt when I was told to wear an iron one. Huh? iron? For a moment there I thought my hearing was impaired, HOPING my hearing was impaired. I think my dismay was apparent on my face, since he hastened to assure me it was an inexpensive one which one can find street vendors selling. He went on to say that I may have to wear it for the rest of my life. Little did he know I had no intention of buying anything so tacky, let alone wear it for the rest of my life! cheap street jewelerry!! Hmmf !! Here I was dreaming of Tiffanys! 

That did it ! I decided  to stop my quest for an astrologer with most accurate predictions about my future..whatever happens will be my destiny ! I will accept it . I don't need anyone to tell me their theories , most of which rarely comes true anyway. I was feeling at peace with myself. I felt happy that I had faith in my own abilities and in my GOD. It gave me a self confidence i hadn't felt in a while. 



So now its no more astrology..at least as soon as someone gives me the very LAST reading about my new job and marriage...then I am done!

Sand Castles..

 She was busy building her sand castle, a fierce look of concentration furrowing her brows, her small pink tongue caught between the teeth. She suddenly turned her head to see the orange sun drowning in the sea, the sky was slowly turning orange. How pretty it looked! just like a picture she saw in her story book.. She got back to putting finishing touches on her castle. Sunaina was happy. It was a pretty castle, befitting a princess. Din't her mom always call Sunaina her princess! Mommy.. always had good stories to tell her. Fairy tales she called them, although some of them dint have fairies in the story. When she commented on it mom smiled and hugged her. Mommy loved to smile. She had a very pretty smile, it always made Sunaina  want to smile too. She loved hugging mommy too, and snuggling beside her when she was sleeping. Mommy would kiss her and go back to sleep.Some days when she came from school, mommy made some nice treats- cakes or cookies. Her mommy's cooking always tasted best, when Sunaina had said that, mommy said she cooked with all the love in her heart, hence it tasted good.

  Today had been a nice day. Morning she and daddy went to the beach to collect shells of different colours and shapes, some of those shells she had used to decorate her castle. This castle was special, she was building it for a queen. Sunaina remembered playing queen and princess with her mommy some months back.. they had so much fun and laughed so much, her tummy started aching. Sunaina felt like crying, she missed her mommy. Her daddy was the best daddy but she wanted mommy now. She wished her mommy would come to her now. But daddy had told her that her mommy was needed in heaven so God had taken her. She was very angry with God for taking her mommy but , daddy said that mommy would always be with her in her heart. She touched her heart shaped locket and opened it, she saw her mommy's smiling face there and she felt better.

She was building this castle for her mommy, near the beach, daddy had said that when waves come and take it , it will go to heaven and mommy can live in it. She waited for the waves to come take the castle to heaven. Daddy had gone to get her an orange ice candy , her favourite. Suddenly, she wanted to go to heaven too, she wanted to see her mommy and live with her in the castle like a princess.. she walked closer to the water, gaining speed with every step. She felt the water calling her, she was too engrossed to hear her father calling out to her ...to STOP...

QUE SERA SERA

 When I was 10, people asked me what I want to be.. I said teacher and pilot.. I was asked how I would manage that, I said I would be teacher during the day and pilot by night or was it the other way round! When I turned 13 it was aeronautical engineering, though I knew not what it was, except that I would build planes and rockets. Sounded fascinating. From 15 to 17 I kept alternating between engineering and medicine. My parents thankfully never pressurised me into doing anything they wanted me to do. I was supposed to choose my own field. But how much does one know about any field at 17 without having many options or exposure.

At 17 you cannot drink, drive, vote, or marry, then how do they expect us to choose professions we are to live with for the rest of our lives. If you are intelligent you should get into medicine or engineering. Why is that the norm? aren’t there other professions? One should also have the aptitude for the chosen field. Being intelligent or even genius is not the only prerequisite. Some have the talent for dance, music, painting, and sports. Why should that be curbed?  Arts and crafts are also important part of our lives. Millions of researches are done every year by millions of  researchers. Out of which a handful are chosen... and just one or two may end up winning the Nobel Prize! The same as literature! That doesn't stop people from writing or researching.

Every country encourages all fields, we also need to not only acknowledge but embrace fields beside the usual.

So my question is…………… what will you be when you grow up? The answer I am looking for is an individual with his/ her own identity and integrity.

when i was just a little girl i asked my mother what will i be?

will i be pretty? will i be rich? here's what she said to me.. que sera sera .. whatever will be will be the future's not ours to see...que sera sera...

VACATION From Vacation......

In the midst of a hectic project the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of a vacation, a getaway from hell, I start smelling the sea, feeling wind in my hair just thinking about it.

 Shopping for all dresses and tops I plan to wear and something fancy I probably would not need, but I just had to have it. what if some unexpected opportunity  presents itself and i need to wear it! I want to be prepared for all eventualities and usually plan every excruciating detail of the trip , and start packing days in advance.

Then the day arrives, I wake up late,  having slept late repacking some of the stuffs ,getting everything in order. I had to catch an early flight, so, by the time I reach the airport, I am exhausted.  I barely get a chance to catch a wink , what with all the announcements and in flight service. Finally , I reach my destination , almost an hours drive away from the airport !  I check  myself into the hotel. It did not resemble the pitures, (most probably photo-shopped) on the  internet site I used , to book the room. Lobby itself left  a lot to be desired. The couch colours don’t match the décor and looked worn out. I cross my fingers as I follow the porter ( a rather rude fellow) to my sea facing room. He opens the room and grunts,  switching lights on. I walk in.. 

My heart sinks, the bed cover is faded and worn out. I don't even want to mention the duvet. The Air conditioner looked like it was in the middle Sahara dessert.  I gingerly walk in and open the window to let the sunlight filter in and the breeze blow into the room. Snap! handle comes off, the porter took it from my hand and hooked it back on , where it is stuck, hanging precariously. The air  seems to leave a some kind of  sticky black residue on the window sill. I look down and find the road is right below me. I assume they made a mistake and put me on the other side of the hotel, not the sea facing one, specifically remember requesting .  Although from the window I see a possible horizon and lo behold "the sea".. Well at least that’s what I think it is. It’s too far to tell for sure.

I check out the bathroom, not exactly queen’s bath but, I guess I was just thankful it was clean and hopeful that it was functional. I was informed that hot water comes at 6 in the morning and will be there for only half an hour. I am just too tired , I nod , he looks at me pointedly , waiting .  I realize I didn't tip him, although the sum they were charging me now, started to look more like extortion. I take a couple of notes and hand it to him. Pocketing the money  , he lets me know that the room service number and the  menu lay by the phone, breakfast was complementary .

I start unpacking, thinking good shower and  a short nap might do wonders to lift my spirit.   (while I am trying not to think about the bugs infesting the mattress). I go out for
 tea, since it was too late in the day for lunch. The place was noisy and crowded , mostly with tourists. I asked for directions to the beach ,I was  told it was too far to walk , so I might have to take a cab. Although, I distinctly remember the ad implying  that beach was practically touching their backyard. Anyway, i found that there is supposed to be restaurant round the block, which serves good tea and snacks.  After some searching and 
walking, I realize that round the corner was really two blocks away. I am practically 
dripping , with sweat running down my body . All that effort in vain,  I felt like I needed a cool drink now , since hot tea was out of the question. When I came back to the hotel room I call for room service to order dinner. I didn't want to go out again , all they had left was rice and gravy , I did not even bother to listen to the lengthy explanation offered.

With that my day one comes to an end . I had three more days to go . Sleep would properly pep me up, I switched the A/C on the temp shown was 34⁰ C, I could not  set  it lower. I called the maintenance. They came and checked, said there was some short circuit which would take time to repair. I lost my cool (not that there was much to lose).. They should have checked before allotting the room! After my angry outburst , I was told , I would not be charged  for the A/c. Did they expect me to fall at their feet and be thankful? I consoled myself , it was just one night. Next day I would find a decent hotel and move. I could not sleep, so I opened the window to let some cool air in . I woke up in the middle of the night , to the mosquitoes feeding on me. I closed the window and kept swatting myself and mosquitoes alternatingly . I doubt I killed any, they were too smart for the likes of me.

Next day I woke up at 7 am, needless to say did not get any sleep nor hot water. Since it was hot outside, I dint mind mind the lack of  'luxury'. I went  in search of a good hotel, this time I would make sure to check the rooms and amenities. Most were booked for the season. Eventually, by evening I found one on the farther side of the town. It was good hotel and actually had the amenities .Though a little overpriced and exceeding my budget, I  just could not think of another night in my current hotel.

I packed and asked for the bill, I had to forfeit some amount, but I wanted to escape. My second day almost to the end and I hadn't gone down to the beach yet. Just when I thought nothing could go wrong , I  ended up catching a twenty four hour intestinal bug that evening, day was spent between bed and bathroom. I had to live on juice and green tea. Well,  thre was always tomorrow- My last day of vacation. But I decided to be optimistic and make up for all the fun I missed. I was feeling a little weak, nothing a good night's sleep couldn't cure. I felt optimistic just thinking about it. 

I woke up at 6 am, something did not seem right, it was cooler. I could hear pitter patter  outside the window. God please don’t let it not be rain ! But as luck would have it ,there were unseasonal rains for the next few hours. This meant I could not venture out. I hadn't anticipated rains, hence no umbrella. Did i say i wanted to be prepared for all eventualities?? For goodness sake, it was March!!  Whoever  would have guessed looking out of the window, right now . Next morning was my flight home. I had devoured the book I bought when I was lying sick in the bed. I spent my last day reflecting on my life and introspection. By then I was already homesick, missing everything from my bed, bathroom, to my laptop and mobile , down to incessant drone of  my annoying neighbour,  everytime she spotted me in the hallway . But mostly I missed my WORK!

I just needed a vacation from this vacation… the thought cheered me up, my workplace actually started to seem more welcoming. I guess this is why we need vacation to realise we already have what we need the most, to appreciate everything you otherwise took for granted.. Never again..

                                                 EPILOGUE

Following year..

In midst of the project, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of a vacation.. Oh! The snow….

Is inflation our real problem??

The entry into the 21^st Century was celebrated with a Big Bang, the “New Millennium”. Everyone was excited at the prospect of growth in various field, science, arts and technology. The future seemed full of possibilities but somewhere ,I think we forgot about humanity and the impact of these changes on us ‘Humans’, our relationships ,cultures and beliefs.
In the last decade or so, there were many changes. If I were to ask someone of the changes they could recollect. I am sure the answers would be cellular phones, Laptops, tablets and all those technological advances. Some would probably start talking about economies and its ups and downs, some would mention the inflation. How the value of money has changed and start reminiscing about those old days when there was so much one could buy for a rupee, now you wouldn’t know how the 500 rupee note you broke got spent.
Inflation , is everywhere , wherever I turn my head I hear it like a latest gossip. People enjoy talking about passionately for long hours. Very soon kindergartens may start teaching I for Inflation to the kids. So often I hear some of my friends complaining about it, especially the increase in the petrol prices as that affects most. They have caricatures of it in newspapers , even facebook is not spared, injecting humour into a serious “problem” afflicting us . Sometimes I wonder if it would make more people  Go Green, use public transport or ‘walk  while you talk’ ;) but that’s what I like to call "wishful thinking" . People are so used to the comfort and luxury, they absolutely can’t imagine sacrificing it in their wildest dreams. 
Diesel prices, of course, have a direct impact on inflation of food, what with  increase in  costs of transport. Then I hear complains like “do you know the cost of sugar? Rice? daal?”  Honestly? I don’t! I rarely bother with prices of these articles. I never even check them, as they are necessities I can’t live without. If I have exceeded the budget I would rather cut down on luxuries like burgers, pizzas and the likes. People complain of daily food costs. But I always see the restaurant and fast food corners crowded. If raw food is so expensive, how is it that we can afford restaurants!
Recently people have become more conscious of what goes into their body. They are  so shocked when they hear about the chemical fertilizers that are used to grow food that they want go organic, and I say great idea, that leads to another complaint. “OMG! Organic food is so expensive! it’s practically double the amount!”  And I so itch to ask “did you worry about the price when you bought your fancy cars, or your designer clothes and branded watches?”  but instead i express shock, followed by "God alone knows what this world is coming to!"
I don’t know if it’s the 21^st century that is making us weird or the economy, wherein the upper middle class has money (I mention upper because I feel somewhere the middle that existed in 20^th century is on the verge of extinction) for every luxury imaginable but no money for things that keep them alive and healthy, while the environment pollution free. Have priorities changed so much in the last decade?? Have we become more materialistic and money centred that they have forgotten how to really LIVE? Has ‘LIVING’ now become synonymous with modern apartments and bungalows, long cars, grand parties , fancy restaurants, branded clothes, new age technologies (mobiles and laptops with 3G and 4G) ? Have we become so petty , running behind money and comfort have we lost the sight of the bigger picture? Is this the kind of culture and thoughts we want to pass onto our next generation?? If inflation was the cause of all our worries, shouldn’t it have curbed our desires for the expensive luxuries we can’t afford??  

PUNCTUALITY- NEED OF THE HOUR?

"Kal kare so aaj kar,aaj kare so ab, pal mein pralay hoye toh bohni karega kab."

How many can say that they are punctual?

Few of us would like to, but even to a paragon of virtues would find it difficult  to remain so, under any circumstances.

Ironically, when one is punctual.. There is no one around to really to appreciate it. So there goes the incentive to be punctual. 

The other negative aspect of being on time is, that you generally have to wait for the others, thus feeling foolish, standing like a lone wolf. You don’t know what to do and you start playing with mobile to avoid stares directed at you or so you think. You keep looking at the watch every minute and calling up the other person to shout curses down the line, all the while praying either that time would actually fly or your friend would.

The other examples of punctuality would be with your studies, be it in school or college, especially when no one else gets things done on time. This means you are the centre of censure of the whole class.  When the teacher smiles her appreciation and sets you up as an example, you feel pride slowly invading your being which quickly evaporates at the wrath you see in your peer’s eyes. You are nicknamed the teacher’s Pet.

 Even at work if you show too much enthusiasm about punctuality, you are not endearing yourself to your co- workers. And if you are not punctual, your boss isn't too pleased. Now that’s Catch 22 situation one likes to steer clear of.

Moving on to parties, not that I am a party animal, but concept of punctuality in parties are even weirder. If people call you by 6.30 they usually mean 7, so you try to reach there by 7.30 and in spite of being an hour or so late, you are probably the one of the first to reach there. If you try to reach late, invariably something goes wrong and you become so late, the party is practically winding up. And then you have to hear about all the fun you missed. (As luck would have it, the party you were on time for, probably bored you to tears and the party you missed was rocking) 

I sure there are many other examples i may come up with if i think hard, but there is a limit on how much i bore people.

Now I wonder if punctuality is a boon or bane! I think I will stick with revised slogan of tardiness “Aaj kare so kal kar kal kare so parson, itni jaldi kya hai bhai jab jeena hai barson.”

P.S. french proverb ' while we keep a man waiting, he reflects on our shortcomings.' 

TO DO or NOT To Do

We are at least once in our lifetime caught in the dilemma of to do or not to do 

It may be for various reasons, some of mine were/ are

To study further or not

To search for a new job or not

To take a chance and say YES

 or take the easy way out and say NO

invariably if one notices , Leaning towards safer side is almost always the case.

Safe in this context I am sure you have deduced by now to be NO

As with Yes comes commitments and responsibilities, It may also have its own repercussions, Failure being one of them.

Hence I need to contemplate well on the matter before taking anything on.

There are many words that flits through my mind like a Warning  just when I need to be decisive like "Look before you leap" or " from the  pan into the fire"

Makes me perspire just thinking of it.

There is a part of me I like to believe has an adventurous streak, buried in the deep dark recesses of my mind, raises itself and compels me to take the chance..

Then the moment passes, my years of developing a more, shall we say practical personality has probably suppressed it.

Or the "adventurous streak" was probably figment of my own imagination , defending my life of absolute boredom , bordering on an being  insipid.

Because if I was actually adventurous would I not be able to make reckless decision ,throwing caution into the wind, with no backward glance or thought  for the future?

Rather than weighing the Pros and cons so much that by the end of it , pros are starting  to look like cons,

If I had taken the time from all the pondering I was doing I would have realized that the opportunity had passed me, leaving me SAFE.

safe from making decisions I rather din't......

........Instead I sit by the window on calm evening and wonder what life would have been like if I had only  taken the risk said YES